Free at last!

Thank you, Dr. King..."Free at last...thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!" to coin a phrase.

This parting from my job was more joyous than usual and more needed than in years past. I love my job, my students, my freedom to instruct...but I realize that, as the distance gets farther and farther from what I was brought up to know and put in practice, this must be what it feels like to be a relic - a dinosaur, if you will.

There are not many of us left that know that the word "respect" involves a sacrifice of personal opinion accompanied by no vocal offerings. That the word "obedience" requires instantaneous movement and effort - not a choice of ambivalent participation. That "entitlement" comes with actually being born to authentic royalty - not an expected outcome of being a child with one or more working parents (or God-forbid, not working...).

I MUST reacquaint myself with the dictionary before I return next year and make posters with these definitions on them...

We have a perfectly timed gift from precious friends who knew of my plight of being the last thought where transportation is concerned (we only HAD one car...) and graciously gave us another car!!! Yay!!! I won't be left behind again...see it pictured in this post. Thank you, Emmaline and Jeff...you are treasured friends.

And so begins the summer - what to do now that I don't get up at 5 am anymore? That will not be hard to figure out... ;o)

My men and Memorial Day,,,

This Memorial Day has provoked some unusual and nostalgic thoughts on the servicemen in my family - my life in particular.

PBS had a wonderful Memorial Day celebration program on Sunday after we came home from spending time with Missy Aubrey and her mom and dad. They first showed a documentary on "Honored Gardens" - the cemeteries of American soldiers who died serving their country in overseas conflicts. Our overseas neighbors who live near these remote gardens find solace and comfort in taking care of our honored dead as a way of thanking the United States for bringing freedom to their countries. I found this particularly touching when realizing that our own country has seemed to become somewhat ambivilent to this holiday and, as with "other" holidays, have given a "new" reasoning to the celebration - the beginning of the summer holidays.

The next program was a concert dedicated to honoring the fallen soldiers AND widows of service personnel from all recent wars. It was held on the grass in front of the Capital Building and was very stirring.

The thoughts that swirled after viewing these two shows reminded me of the incredible Providence of God in the lives of the men in my life. I am the daughter of a Korean veteran, Captain Warren F. T., a chaplain stationed active duty US Army in the conflict prior to my birth. I am the sister of a Vietnam veteran, Sgt. Warren F. T., Jr., stationed as a member of the US Army's President's Honor Guard in Washington, D.C. I am married to Sgt. Ralph Michael M., US Army veteran of the same conflict in which my father served - Korean Conflict. The most current evidence of this overshadowing protection is that I am the mother of Sgt. 1st Class Christopher M. M., US Marine Corps, an Iraqi War veteran.

"O Lord, You have searched me and know me. You know when I sit down and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts afar off. You discern my going out and my lying down. You are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, You know it completely. You hem me in - behind and before; You have Your Hand upon me...All the days ordained for me were written in your Book before one of them came to be." Isaiah 139:1-5,16.

The humbling part of this whole senario is that God's Hand so providentially protected each of these men in my life so that I would be able to be...who I am - daughter, sister, wife, and mother. I am blessed, Abba...thank You.

Tomorrow's another day...

And that rough day has past and one moves on...

It is days from the end of school, and this is a very odd ending. I have only one senior this year. He has been so faithful to come to the 7 am class every day but didn't accomplish as much as I would have hoped. But, maybe our time together wasn't totally about AP Art. He is a great young man with a very good head on his shoulders and seems to be a man after God's own heart. I pray that he will remain steadfast...

I have made a rather drastic response to my "very bad day" at my place of work. No, I didn't quit...I have no where else to go when God says stay. I just began a purge - of anything that hadn't moved in the last four years. It was a good thing really. I feel good about what I threw out AND what I found in the process. And I now am surrounded by my "stuff" and what was once clutter is now vanished.

I find the stress of the last weeks of school difficult to stomach sometimes...no, everytime. Some teachers are overloading with tests, the admin is stressing over letting the staff know what their jobs entail for the coming year, and, "oh, yeah, by the way, did I tell you that you will be teaching five new classes of canoe repair and basket weaving to attention deficit children?"

Yes, I still am a little touchy...but isn't that what blogs are for? To spill your guts to the millions of those who could care less - let alone my five faithful followers? Happy almost summer, you guys, and you know who you are!! And blessings, of the best kind...

Rough day...

It was a dark and rainy day...no, wait. It was sunny and beautiful finally, as the weather finally broke. But the weather was just an opening.

I don't usually give in to things that jerk my chain, but yesterday was just one of those days that if any stray straw was headed in my direction, my camelback would have split in two! There must have been a memo sent to the world (at least to the small world around me) that this was the day to put me on their "poop" list, and make sure that I knew it.

Try as I might, in the midst of the struggle (and I do mean struggle!), to ask God to "help me keep my head about me, while all around me have lost theirs" I gave in to the resolve that I no longer wanted to be on their "poop" lists, and the proverbial "they" could cross me off their life list, too! My day of 'doormat' had come to a shouting match end (in my head, of course! A lady doesn't use those words out loud. ;o), and I was not laying down again!

There come times in a person's life, where even the good that they do, is:
1. never seen
2. misinterpreted and therefore
3. misunderstood
4. unappreciated because of self-absorption of the receiver
5. used as ammunition by an intimidator
6. seen only by the One who "stores our tears in a bottle"to reward jewels
for another day.

Please do not misunderstand. I am not about gaining pity, recognition, appreciation, or any other thing to draw attention to myself. Not the point of the above diatribe. It was just a crappy day and, I found myself here and just thought I would share it, in hopes that my five readers (hah, hah!) might identify.

After the argument in my head subsided, hours later, I was able to sort out some benefits of the struggle, and realize that sometimes you get the bear and sometimes the bear gets you. And I was still able to go to sleep last nite knowing that I answer only to Abba, and HE LOVES ME - eloquent potty mouth and all...after all, a lady never says all that out loud. ;o)

2010 Mother's Day

Wow, it's crazy that I haven't written on this for so long! But, it is the nature of my job to be crazy wild in the spring and the "roller coaster" is one that you just jump on and hang on 'til the wild ride is over - or at least slows enough for you to see normally.

Today has been special - for some reason an especially poignant reminder of the privilege I have had to be the mother to three pretty extraordinary people. Maybe it was my first Mother's Day as a "Gamma" that caused the introspection, but realizing that MY CHILD was now a mother herself, brought out the awesome thought that I have three amazing kids, that have grown up to be people I'm glad to know, let alone be their mom.

Life has funny moments that cause the "water in the face" awareness that time marches on and sometime seems to run away with some treasures of moments never forgotten and always held close to this mother's heart.

I love you, Chris, Kellan, and Kiera. It is my greatest gift from my Father to be your mom.

Birthday memories!

By this time (11:30am) thirty-0ne years ago, I was a very tired, but incredibly proud mom for the first time. Six and a half hours earlier (5:12am) I had delivered an 8 lb. 15 oz. beautiful son with a full head of dark hair and his father and I were euphoric to realize what God had just given us! A son! A beautiful, perfect healthy son...now least you let the "every parent says that..." thought cross your mind, this was no ordinary situation.

We are all young and stupid as 'teenagers' - you know, that stupid age where we know everything and we are invincible to anything bad happening to us, and this thinking we will avoid any consequences from risking life and limb (Mike - life, me - limb, hold that thought). I was invincible as a college senior, totally in control of the lithe body that did gymnastics with ease. Then, in a freak moment of stupidity, a hip joint popped and then life changed. In going back in to place, the joint pinched surrounding tissue and thus began a tumor that grew to the size of a grapefruit surrounding my left ovary and compromising chances for pregnancy. Surgery eventually corrected the situation after removing the tumor, ovary, and part of the other one as medical belief was that this was caused for another reason. Needless to say, our thought of conception was not foremost in our future.

Miraculously, just six months after the corrective surgery, my husband tells me that God told him I was pregnant. Not that I don't trust my husband hearing from the Lord, but I was very skeptical, to say the least. Sure enough, this barren 'Hannah' had conceived and after an unremarkable and delightful pregnancy, was delivered of the aforementioned miracle baby boy.

My standout thoughts on those remarkable times of our son's first hours, days, and years before the arrival of his sisters, are treasures that I am sure every first time parent feels. But two stand out as I write...the departure of my mom after spending a week with us, and a quiet moment just between Chris and I.

My mother was the most together person I have ever known. To describe her as wise was to say that the Grand Canyon is big - well, yeah, duh? How did she know all this stuff and when would I ever know a fraction of what she does - about anything, but especially about babies and what all needs to be done for them? And then she just ups and leaves..."time to go home, now" and the "love you, mean it, good luck with this" was implied. I stood at the back door and watched her drive off back home to NC (we lived in West Virginia at the time), and leave me with this living breathing, pooping, crying, being that needed to be nursed seemed like every minute and that I was now responsible for. "Wait!!!!" I scream in my mind..."You forgot something!!! Take this with you! I don't know what to do with it!!! HEEELLLPPPP!!!" What have I done now? And thus, began the miracle of my becoming a mother to my son, who made it seem so easy, as I remember.

And then one precious mom-moment happened during one of our bonding times after eating, that I took his little hands in mine, looked him in the eyes, and made him promise me that he would never bring me a snake in those precious, little busy hands. He never did...at least not in the slimy, slithering, crawl on the ground kind. A few of his friends turned out to be slimy, creepy crawley snakes, but then, they showed themselves to be so to him, too.

And the years between then and now, well, from the "carrying this child around at seventeen months because he won't walk yet" to the standing at RDU airport, sending him off to the woman of his dreams who lived in the land of his dreams (which was the last time I have held him in my arms), he has not disappointed us - in anything his (then) little hands found to do until now, when his almost Boppa-sized hands are finding their way in the life Abba has already "written" the days of before any had happened.

Thirty two years have passed since the miracle that became my son, Chris, started. They have passed all too quickly, as they will when he stares into the eyes of his first "Chris" or whomever. But I can without hesitation say, "Great is Thy faithfulness; Your mercies ARE new every morning and fresh every evening!!" Thank you, Lord, for the gift of my son, because of the gift of Your Son. (P.S. And thank you, Lord, there were no snakes in his hands... ;o)

Birthday Blessings!

How appropriate that I choose today to blog again! It was a month ago that I last posted :o(

Anyway...today is my @)(%$*&# th birthday and I thought I'd share about my day! Actually, about my weekend.

Aubrey brought her mom and dad to visit Thursday night so her Daddy could go be a Civil War soldier Friday morning for a group of students at a nearby school. Yes, the South will rise again and there ARE those who will be ready when it does. ;o) Rob is a Reenactor and has the complete outfit and set-up (tent, etc.) and the shotgun, too! Kellan used to go with him before Miss Aubrey made her appearance, but I think the opportunity doesn't come as often anymore. So this outing was fun, I think.

Rob and Kellan are doing this crazywild workout video and diet (that puts the rest of us to shame! Go, guys! Looking good...) and she fixed us all pizzas that were in their diet and really good! Yay, diet junk food.

Saturday, she fixed us this amazing omelet with portabella mushrooms, spinach, cheese, and fresh tomatoes cut up on top! Good stuff...bet you're sorry you weren't here for my birthday! Ha!

Then Kellan and I went for pedicures and "tickle feet" at the mall. We actually wore sandals in thirty degree weather! Better cold pretty toes than warm messed up ones!!!

After that, they went to have "6 month" pictures that I will post later and Mike took me to Caribou to get my birthday Mocha Latte' and it was the best one I have ever had!!! DARK CHOCOLATE mochas, yes! It just went too fast...

Dinner was a wonderful pork loin roast with orzo lemon pasta with spinach and green beans. Topping the dinner was a beautiful fruit tart compliments of my sister Martha and some frozen peach wonder from my NEW NINJA!!! YAY! Does this sound like all I care about is food???

Guests at dinner were, of course Aubrey, her mom and dad, Mike, Aunt Judy, Kiera, Nate, Ashley, and Andrew. Mindi and Nicholas came for dessert and brought cupcakes. More food!! Yay, again!!

Did I mention that interspersed throughout all of the celebrations were three dogs???? Seriously, it was a good time had by all. Thank you, all my celebrants for making my day special and sharing your love with me. I am a blessed woman...and that was just the day BEFORE my birthday.

Today, Sunday, the REAL day, has been bittersweet. We are now alone from visitors and cleaning up the leftover mess I made in my kitchen by dumping at least 10 GALLONS of water out of a cooler on to my floor when the lid came off as I was lifting it....all under my cabinets and appliances (hopefully, not down to my downstairs neighbor's apt.). All the towels we used to clean it up are chugging away in the washer.

And I am here, basking in the blessing of a wonderful life and asking Abba to "abundantly bless above all they can ask or think" all those precious people who make my life a joy!!! I love you all.

Back in the Saddle, again....

Once again, work has captivated my time and energies. We are barreling toward the busiest time of year for me, as festivals and competitions, art gallery displays and showings, all require much attention to detail.

Our in school festival is Feb. 11th, and there is much to do to prepare for this evening of arts for the students in our school. And all the badgering I do as a teacher to demand participation from my own students wears me out...can't they just want to participate? There's that pesky "Can't I (we, they, you...) just..." phrase again. I despise that combination of words coming from one of my students! At least once (really several) time a year, I explain patiently, (while seething inside) that when one asks the question that way, one is translating, non-verbally, that one doesn't want to do whatever the question involved, and, more specifically, are saying that one is too lazy to do what has been asked, and one is trying to avoid doing what is found to be undesirable. Needless to say, my comment about their question stated that way, is also found to be undesirable. Then...I raise myself to my highest 5' 3" height and say, "May I please remind you that you exist, in this particular room, as the subject of a monarchy - a queen, and a benevolent one, at that. The element of democracy will not be recognized and all subjects will be "drawn" (ha!) and quartered, if adherence to all mandates is not completed."

Ah, the life of a teacher...queen of the misfits, the "m.a.d." students, as one academic teacher calls us. And if I could remember what that stands for, I would tell you, but I am having a "blank slate" moment. Will write more later...after the hubbub has subsided...you know, the twelfth of never, as it looks right now...ttl!

Honest Scrap!

HONEST SCRAP!


Here are the rules:

1. Must thank the person who gave you the award and list their blog and link it.

2. Share "10 Honest things" about yourself.

3. Present this award to 7 others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged you.

4. Tell those 7 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.

Okay, here are mine!

1. I was sent this by Aubrey's Mom, my firstborn daughter, who is an amazing mom herself. From her birth, Kellan was all about life and getting on with it! Two pushes, she was here, wide-eyed, and ready to live life and not miss a thing! Watching her grow up and become the determined spirit that she is, as a middle child no less, has been amazing and breath-taking. I never thought I'd be a mom, a good one anyway, having had the most excellent example to follow. My three amaze me always, and seeing Kellan become a mom has been a joy beyond measure. God did good, again, Aubrey!

2. 10 Honest Things about me:

a. I REALLY don't like talking about myself!!! Not a good start...

b. I am married to a movie star!! Yes, Mike...I use this as an ice breaker when we have to introduce ourselves to new people! In the days when the Dixieland Jazz group that Mike used to play with regularly did every job available - car wash openings, political rallies, etc. - Hallmark movie company, then based in Wilmington, NC, contacted his group about being in a period movie called "The Summer of Ben Tyler" starring James Woods. The group had a two second debut for which we receive a check every year from SAG (Screen Actors Guild, for the uninitiated ;o) for a whopping $.02!! We have framed them!! It costs them more to mail them than the check is worth.

c. I am a rabid reader...voracious reader...love to read! My time is not as free as should be for absorbing a good book, so almost in defense, I have become a speed reader. Thankfully, I do absorb it even at those speeds. I can (have to) finish a well-written novel in a couple of days. Ya know, I need to alter this some, too. I also collect books - eh, yeah, I don't ever turn in used books unless they aren't worth reading a second time. I collect children's books for the artwork and the quality story line...more to read to my grandchildren!

d. I collect teacups. Once upon a time, my reading led me to a very special story by Emilie Barnes called "If Teacups Could Talk..." and I was hooked. All of her cups have a story, and now so do all of mine. When I am lucid, I can tell you most of them... ;o) I am blessed with friends who have added to my collection from as far away as Russia, Lithuania, England, Alaska - to name a few.

e. My artistic bent first began in Middle School with a desire to study Interior Design, and an uncanny ability to draw any and all cartoon characters that I wanted. And these two things ended up combining to my becoming an Art Teacher??? Who knew? I still have my first architectural design that was entered in an art show for which I won a second place.

f. I used to think this was an artistic thing, too, but my closet is arranged according to the color wheel, like colors together. You can call it OCD, if you want, but it occurred to me at some point in my life, that there were very few things that I could keep organized in my family of five, but my supplies and workplace AND my closet were ones that were all mine! Teachers at school will come to me and ask, "Do you have a ____?" and I can smile and say, "Yes, let me get it for you." Call it OCD if you want, but organization has always been a quirk of mine.

g. I have a "wall" if you will, in my art. Runners come to their walls and must break through to get to be that person of length that they need to be. I do not finish my pictures. Very few of them are actually completed to a desired end. I am always afraid that the next thing I add will ruin it. Not a good thing for a teacher to be "walled in" by. I do not teach about this as it would certainly squelch my credibility, but I do admit it to my Advanced Placement students who seem to suffer the same malady.

h. I have ALWAYS wanted to own a Jeep Wrangler! In my early driver years, my family had a hankering to drive sports cars - Dad had several MG's, a Mustang, a Camero RS, and my brother brought home a battered MG that I appropriated for a time. Now I DO know that a Jeep is not a sports car in the original sense, but it IS a sports car, if you go 4 x 4ing! Call it the "Wild at Heart" in me!

i. I envy my hairdresser's mother! There...I've said it! My hairdresser and her mom are in business together; Mom is a professional photographer, doing weddings, sittings, families, etc. She has a neat little shop attached to her daughter's hair salon (who does the bride's hair, and makeup) and they each love what they do! And she (the photographer) has awesome equipment and her time is her own. My dream job is to be in business with my girls in a wedding consulting business.

j. I have written a children's book. I think, above all, if the wedding consulting thing doesn't fly, I would love to be a published children's author/illustrator, not with the book I wrote so long ago, but to come up with a story, character, or series that might become a classic like "The Hungry Caterpillar," or "The Mouse and the Big, Red Strawberry," or "The Quiltmaker's Gift," or "Corduroy" - memorable, one and all. But, then, I will definitely need to "scale the Wall", won't I?

There are my ten things. This was hard but fun. Share yourself with seven others who may not know those 10 things. We all have such wonderful gifts we hardly ever share with someone else let alone tell them TEN things about us! Do it...they will be the blessed.

3. My seven people who influenced me or I love their blog, are:

1. My mom...who is no longer here, and thus has no blog, was the single most influential person in my life.
2. McMama...a wonderful blogger Kellan turned me on to, who
has absolutely no time to respond, but I wanted to credit
3. Chris...my son, who has such gift for writing and will see "it" in his hands
someday, when he gets published.
4. Jessica...my son's significant other, also, likewise gifted in both writing
and articulation.
5. Kellan...my daughter, who started this blog thing AND sent the Honest Scrap.
6. Nancy Ray...another of my blogs to follow about photography - again someone
too busy to send this to, but is fabulous.
7. Judy...my sister...who is only marginally computer involved, but has been
THE most influential person in my life next to my mom.

Well, there is the Honest Scrap of my life...and now who to send it to?? Seven people don't even follow my blog!!! :o) Here you are great internet land...scrap 'o me!